You know it isn’t working. So why do you keep doing it?
You tell yourself you’re going to handle it differently this time. But somehow, you find yourself right back in the same pattern. Self-sabotage therapy can help you understand why you keep repeating behaviors, relationship patterns, or coping strategies that you already know aren’t working for you.
I provide self-sabotage therapy in the Austin area and online throughout Texas for adults who are tired of asking, “Why do I keep doing this when I know better?” Together, we’ll look beyond the behavior itself to understand what’s driving the pattern and what you can begin doing differently.
What does self-sabotage actually look like?
Self-sabotage isn’t always dramatic or obvious. Sometimes it’s a collection of behaviors and coping strategies that have become so familiar that you barely notice them anymore.
It might look like procrastinating until you’re overwhelmed, avoiding difficult conversations, overthinking decisions until you don’t make one at all, people-pleasing and then becoming resentful, pushing people away when relationships become vulnerable, repeatedly choosing unhealthy relationships, abandoning goals when success starts feeling possible, shutting down during conflict, or using unhealthy coping behaviors when emotions become difficult.
Clinically, some of these behaviors may be described as maladaptive patterns or coping strategies, ways of responding that may provide relief or protection in the moment but create problems over time.
The important question isn’t simply:
“How do I stop doing this?”
It’s:
“What keeps making this response feel necessary?”
Therapy isn’t about telling you to make better choices.
You probably don’t need another person telling you what you should be doing.
You need to understand what happens between knowing what you want and doing something completely different.
In therapy, we’ll slow that process down.
We’ll look at the thoughts, emotions, triggers, experiences, beliefs, and relationship dynamics underneath your behavior. We’ll identify what happens right before you fall into an old pattern and what that behavior may be doing for you—even when the consequences aren’t what you want.
Because behaviors that look irrational from the outside often make considerably more sense once we understand what they’re protecting you from, helping you avoid, or helping you manage.
And once you can recognize the pattern while it’s happening, you have a much better opportunity to choose what happens next.
We might work on patterns involving:
- Self-sabotage and self-defeating behaviors
- Repeating unhealthy relationship patterns
- Avoidance and procrastination
- Overthinking and indecision
- People-pleasing and difficulty setting boundaries
- Shutting down or withdrawing during conflict
- Impulsive or emotionally driven decisions
- Fear of failure—or fear of succeeding
- Unhealthy coping strategies
- Perfectionism
- Difficulty trusting yourself
- Anxiety and behaviors driven by worry or fear
- Feeling stuck despite knowing you want something different
You don’t have to identify exactly what’s happening before coming to therapy.
Sometimes all you know is:
“I keep doing this, and I don’t understand why.”
That’s enough of a place to start.
Understanding is where change begins.
My goal isn’t to turn you into a completely different person.
It’s to help you understand yourself well enough that your automatic patterns don’t have to keep making decisions for you.
We’ll work toward recognizing your triggers sooner, understanding the emotions underneath your reactions, challenging beliefs that keep old patterns alive, developing healthier coping strategies, and practicing different responses when familiar situations come up.
The goal is to create enough space between what you feel and what you do next that you actually have a choice.